Dear uterus,

Fuck you.

No.

No.

FUCK YOU. 

Yeah, and that movement you’re making, like you’re trying to squeeze all my innards into yourself through osmosis? That’s just awesome fun. Keep it up.

And one day when I’ve got a baby in there, and I’ve got to go through all this except with more pain and more inconvenience NINE MONTHS IN A ROW, . . . y’know what? Fuck that, too.

Sincerely,

Your landlady 

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